How to Start a Long Distance Relationship? Here’s All You Need to Know
If you are reading this, I guess that you are planning to start a long distance relationship, or you have just started one.
And naturally, you have doubts
You know everything that is said about long distance relationships, and therefore you need more information about what a long distance relationship REALLY is, instead of discovering these things for yourself, often rather violently.
Well, congratulations for choosing to read this article!
Far too many people engage in LDRs in an unconscious way and without overthinking about it. But you are different.
So, what should you know about these relationships? How to start a long distance relationship the right way? To make it easy, I have listed here the four things I wish I had known before starting my long distance relationship.
Whatever reason is causing you to take your relationship long distance, here are the few things you need to consider and understand before you make the jump.
1. Nobody will take you seriously
Clearly, one of the most irritating aspects of a LDR.
Unless you have been in a long distance relationship for more than one year and unless you have concrete projects, nobody will take your relationship seriously.
Even if they express compassion for your romance, they will surely be telling themselves, «They will not last more than three months. »
Whether it is complete strangers, colleagues, friends, family, 95% of them do not think that a long distance relationship can get you somewhere. So, let me give you a piece of advice: simply ignore them.
This relationship is YOUR relationship.
The fact that they have some bad experiences with long distance relationship (not to say, often none), does not mean in any way that you should attach importance to what they are telling you.
Honestly, I used to hide with great difficulty the fact that I was having a long distance relationship during our first year
It was not because of shame, but just because I didn’t need (and want) anyone’s approval.
And even if 5% of people understood my situation, it was not worth it to debate with the other 95% about their old-fashioned perception of my couple. This is only my opinion.
2. You will spend a lot of time apart from each other
Being in a long distance relationship means that you will be separated for a long time. But do you realize what it means?
You’ll be eating alone, watching your favorite movies alone and doing everything couples do together alone in front of your computer.
Quite honestly, it can be heartbreaking at times. Couples that spend a very long time apart often feel more lonely than ever.
Hopefully, the best medicine is to surround yourself with friends and family or find a great hobby to occupy your time away from your partner.
Another consequence though is that your partner will inevitably socialize where he/she is and meet many other people, even the opposite sex.
So, of course, it does not stop you from spending time together, especially on Skype, but if your partner goes out to a club, goes to a concert, goes to see a movie, it’s most likely without you and with other people.
If you tend to be jealous, it may be problematic.
You wish you were there, but you cannot. This can create tension or even a form of paranoia (« Where were you? », « Why did not you answer my message? »).
But basically, you have to accept that your partner is having fun or doing things with other people, even if you are not with him/her.
Otherwise, this relationship will quickly become unbearable for all of you.
So, do the same: relax, go out, read a book, watch this movie you wanted to see, travel, have fun…
Do not wait to be with your sweetheart again to live your life.
3. You will miss the physical aspect way more than you think
Seriously, who does not like hugs?
Unfortunately, let me tell you that you will miss these hugs.
You were so close before, and now you are doomed to use text messages, some apps and a lot of Skype to express all the affection you have for your half. It’s a huge leap backward.
Many previously granted communication tools are now out of reach, such as touching or guessing his/her mood through his/her body language.
Everything now goes through verbal communication.
Hence you feel the need to counterbalance the physical absence by exacerbated communication.
No need to make it a big deal either and speak about things you find without interest. Keep in mind that to succeed in this long distance relationship you will have to open your heart and release your emotions to show your affection, not by gestures, but by words.
Share your fears, your doubts, your experiences, your surprises, your outbursts, in short, the things that are important to you.
You will catch yourself realizing that your couple is coming out stronger and more united.
(By the way, regarding the physical aspect, the good thing now is that they are some LDR toys that can help you with this problem… Just sayin’.)
4. You will need to plan. A LOT.
Before you even imagine being in a LDR, have a serious conversation with your lover.
Set clear and precise goals and discuss together the duration of this relationship:
- How long will it last?
- What are your expectations?
- Who will visit the other, where and when?
It’s unthinkable to stay in a long distance relationship forever, so set both short-term and long-term goals to keep moving forward.
A long distance relationship requires a lot of effort, energy, and planning.
If you’re not the kind of person who can stick to a plan or schedule, a long distance relationship may be more of a challenge for you.
A long-distance love without objectives on which to work together (holidays, reunion, to settle together…) will create its own expiry date, nourished of lassitude, demotivation, and resignation.
A common goal gives you a reason to fight every day to make it work.
If you do nothing, then your long distance relationship will remain a succession of broken promises.
Of course, if you cannot predict your permanent reunion to date, plan at least the next two visits
When the time comes to say goodbye, the fact of knowing that you will meet again makes it possible to relativize.
It’s hard work, of course. It takes great strength and determination for a long distance relationship to come out on the other side.
You both need to be in it 100% from the start until the end of your time apart. Plan to see each other every day. Arrange long distance dates together.
And make sure to talk about daily events with your partner. It goes without saying, but never forget to take an interest in their lives, their goals, and your future together.
Conclusion: Trust is a treasure
It takes a lot of mutual trust to make a « normal » relationship work, but here we are talking about a relationship that can transcend the boundaries of a city, a country or even a continent.
This requires a colossal amount of loyalty to someone you can so rarely see.
Just like any other relationship, there will be some things you don’t agree on, fights and problems. This can make things extremely hard when you are thousands of miles apart.
After things have calmed down just remember that it’s completely healthy to have arguments once in a while, but you need to be thinking about ways that you both can compromise on the issues to build more trust in your LDR.
You both need to meet in the middle and come to an agreement. Working these issues out will help you get over your next argument quicker.
Fortunately, trusting someone is learned through sharing and communication.
So, do not underestimate this point and never take anything for granted in your relationship.
Too many couples feel untouchable and abandon this crucial point. Don’t make this mistake.
How to start a long distance relationship? Understand all these points and get ready for one of the biggest and most rewarding challenge of your life!