Long Distance Marriage Guide: How to Cope and Keep it Strong
Marriage is a blessing and a challenge all at the same time. All of the sudden you’re sharing half your entire life with someone else, from your bedroom to your finances, credit scores to deepest thoughts and feelings. Toss long distance into the mix and it becomes an even bigger challenge, but it can still be quite successful.
So how can you have a long distance marriage and be able to cope and keep it strong? You as a person need to stay independent and confident, while ensuring you keep the communication strong between the two of you. Always make your partner feel loved, special, and desired, and try to see each other as often as possible.
With the right tools under your belt you can turn a long distance marriage into a success. But how? You need all the right tips and tricks for success. Learning the biggest problems in a long distance marriage and how to find solutions is key.
We’re going to discuss the ins and outs of long distance marriage in depth. We will even dive into important issues like how to cope when a baby is involved and how to ensure there is no infidelity in the relationship, which can be a cause for concern in some relationships that are far apart.
Long Distance Marriage Problems
Every marriage will have their own set of problems, but unfortunately long distance marriages may have an even bigger bag of issues. That being said, we’re going to take a look at some of the most common long distance marriage problems and how to solve them.
This can work on a number of different levels.
- You have nothing to talk about. Some people may find that they run out of conversation topics while they’re apart. This can be fixed by starting off with something simple, like ‘How was your day?’. Remember that small talk is still important when you’re married and can lead to plenty of conversation.
- You talk too much. A lot of people are under the impression you have to talk nonstop when you’re in a long distance marriage. The fact of the matter is, this can become annoying and boring. Give each other some space and you’re bound to have better, more in depth conversations when the time comes.
- You expect instant replies. If you’re thinking that your wife or husband should answer immediately, you’ll be in for quite a disappointing shock in a long distance marriage. If this makes you mad, then you may have some deeper issues you need to discuss in your marriage, such as being afraid of cheating and lying.
- Miscommunicating. This is especially true if you’re texting your partner. It can be easy to misread a text and ‘take it the wrong way’, so make sure your actual phone calls and video chats outweigh texts, especially if you’re talking about something important.
- Arguing too often. If you’re arguing, try and take some time to relax before going back into the conversation. Once you have cooled off, call your partner instead of texting to have a better conversation that doesn’t get misread.
- Ignoring one another out of spite. Yes, this happens quite often, and can be devastating in a long distance marriage. If you are angry, it’s okay to take a couple hours to cool down. This doesn’t mean you should ignore your partner and make them feel nervous or anxious that the relationship is coming to an end.
- Not sharing feelings. You don’t want to worry your partner during a long distance relationship, but not sharing your feelings- even the bad ones- may lead to a failure in marriage. Always discuss feelings in order to resolve them as quickly as possible.
One major issue one might start to feel in a long distance marriage is that she and her partner are growing apart. This is especially true if you feel like you have nothing to talk about, don’t seem to ‘connect’, and not see each other often. So what’s the fix?
The best thing to do is make plans together. This could be something as simple as setting some time aside once a week for a video chat to talk and listen to music, to bigger plans like a visit that involves plenty of activities you both enjoy.
Also make sure that you are communicating with your partner about how you feel. Discussing problems is always going to bring a better solution than keeping it inside. Find ways that you two can become close again.
Trust issues is one of the biggest challenges a long distance relationship might face, and this can be fueled by a number of different things.
- Jealousy. Jealousy is actually common in relationships, whether they are nearby or far away. The trick is to not let your jealousy take over, and if this problem comes and goes, it’s best to discuss it with your partner to find a solution. Reassurance goes a long way, so don’t let it brow inside of your mind; talk to your partner.
- Infidelity. Cheating in the past will certainly give someone reason to have trust issues in the long distance marriage; however, if you have decided to forgive your partner and move on, then you shouldn’t hold a grudge against them or feel insecure. Again, talking with your partner is the best solution.
- Insecurity. Insecurity is almost always going to be a part of a long distance marriage. You’re apart for extended periods of time without physical contact, so it becomes a worry that a partner may catch a wandering eye (or hands). However, remaining confident with your partner is always going to be the best route for success.
When you are away from your partner for a long period of time, it’s no secret that you’re going to feel lonely at some point. This is normal. This is natural. But how can you cope?
- Hang out with friends.
- Get a hobby (perhaps something that you and your partner can enjoy together).
- Surround yourself with loved ones.
- Try and visit your partner as often as possible.
- Set up special ‘date nights’ with your partner where you do something over the phone.
- Video chat with your partner at least once a week.
- Text and call your partner (not excessively).
- Communicate with them about your feelings and try to come to a solution.
- Send each other special gifts, like poems, love letters, and perhaps jewelry, tshirts, mugs, or other cute presents.
- Find a class you may be interested in.
- Get a job, if you don’t already have one. Or switch careers if you’re bored.
- Learn something new.
- Keep pictures of you and your partner nearby, like on your phone or in frames around the house.
- Put a countdown on your phone to the next time you will see them, so you have something to look forward to with a visual.
Can a Long Distance Marriage Work?
The simple answer to this question is yes, a long distance marriage can work. Does that mean it’s going to be easy? No. Does that mean it’s going to be fun? No. But it can work if the two of you really try and are completely devoted to the relationship.
The important thing to do is to keep in mind that you said ‘I do’ for a reason. Whether you knew they were going to have to move away or not, you are committed to each other and should remain committed no matter what the distance is.
Also keep in mind that every marriage has their ups and downs. Some marriages will rise to conquer the challenges, while others will fall apart. It is up to the two people in the relationship to decide whether or not they will stand the test of time or break like glass.
Long Distance Marriage with Baby
Long distance marriages are undeniably challenging, but when you add a baby to the relationship, things become even harder. Imagine trying to care for a little one, essentially as a single parent while the other parent is far away?
It’s no doubt that a long distance marriage with a baby is going to be one of the biggest challenges a person can face when it comes to relationships. So what are these problems, and how can you fix them?
Doing Everything Alone
If you’re the only parent in the household, you obviously have no choice but to do everything on your own. From diaper changes to feeding the baby, to cleaning the entire house and making dinner, you’re doing it all.
This becomes quite an overwhelming situation for the parent who is at home with the baby while the other parent lives far away. It can be hard to cope with such a big challenge, but luckily there are some things you can do:
- Voice your stress to your partner. Call them often so you can ‘unload’, and hopefully the other parent can calm you down and encourage you that this won’t be a forever situation.
- Get some help from friends and family members. Most of the time, best friends, moms, aunts, and grandma are willing to help a new mom who is alone with a brand new baby. Call your loved ones when you’re in need of help or simply an hour break!
- Stay positive. This might be difficult when you’re faced with a big challenge such as this, but always remember that the long distance marriage is only temporary and your partner will return soon, even if it’s just for a visit.
The Other Parent Misses Everything
A first word, a first step, and a first smile are all big milestones for a baby; and your partner is likely to miss almost all of them. This can be incredibly upsetting for both parents, so how can you deal with things like this?
- Video chat with your partner if you can. The second the baby starts to walk, give them a call so they can enjoy the first few steps too. It won’t be the same as seeing it in person, but it definitely helps!
- Record the milestones and send to your partner if they are unable to video chat at the moment. That way they still get to see some of baby’s ‘firsts’.
Routines Get Ruined when the Other Parent Arrives
When it’s just a parent and their baby, a routine is quickly established. Unfortunately when the other parent comes for a visit or moves back home permanently, the routine can become messed up- which means one very upset baby and an even more stressed out parents.
The best solution to this particular problem is to let the other parent know what the exact routine is before they walk through the door. It’s still going to get a little wonky as baby is excited to see the other parent and wants to spend time with them, but if the routine mostly stays the same, it shouldn’t be too big of an issue.
Parents Struggle to Find Time for Each Other
A baby takes up almost all of your time; after all, they rely on you for everything! That being said, it can be easy to lose time to spend with your partner, and the little things like ‘date night’ over Skype can become a thing of the past.
This can ultimately cause a problem in the long distance marriage as the parent with the baby becomes more stressed and the parent without the baby feels lonely and tossed to the side.
The best thing to do is to try and communicate as much as possible. Let the other parent know how busy you are with the baby, but that you will still make time for them. They should be completely understanding of the situation, and everything will become much better when the other parent comes to visit/moves back in.
Other Parent Doesn’t Bond with New Baby
This can also be tough. As the parent with the baby, you are getting all of the one-on-one time when it is most important. The other parent, on the other hand, is stuck miles away from their bundle of joy and they don’t get the bonding time.
That can be very upsetting for both parents, as they both want to bond with their newborn. A few ways to make sure they still have somewhat of a bond is to do the following:
- Plenty of video chats between baby and other parent is crucial. Although the baby won’t be able to ‘talk’ with the other parent, they will still see each other and the baby will be able to recognize the other parent.
- Send videos and photos of the baby to the other parent. They want to see everything going on with their child just as much as you do, so don’t forget to update often.
- Try and visit as much as possible, whether you’re taking the baby to see the other parent or the other parent comes for a visit. Try to set up these meetings so baby can become more familiar with the other parent as they grow older.
How to Avoid Long Distance Divorce When Everything is Falling Apart
One big question you may have when it comes to a long distance marriage is how to save it; and if you’re in a predicament like that, it can be completely overwhelming. It’s not like you can just go over to your partner and give them a hug and talk it out face to face, so how can you save a long distance marriage when everything is falling apart?
It all comes down to the basis of the entire long distance relationship. Here’s a few things you can do quickly when you feel your relationship is in despair:
- Try and visit them as soon as possible. Most of the time the talk of ‘divorce’ arises after a very long period of time without seeing each other. This is due to the fact that yes, people get lonely, and they begin to feel unwanted. Fix this by visiting your partner as soon as possible, if you can.
- Talk it out. What’s the problem, anyways? A lack of communication is a surefire way to dissolve a relationship, especially a marriage. You need to sit down and have a serious talk with your partner. Make sure this is either done face to face or over the phone. Never try to solve problems through text messages!
- Give each other some space. This may sound counterintuitive, but sometimes people just need their own space to sit back and ‘think’. This doesn’t mean you should completely stop talking, but leaving each other alone for a little while can sometimes do the trick.
- Listen. The best thing you can do to save a marriage is to truly listen to what’s going on with the other person. This shows that you care about their feelings, but also shows that you want to help fix the problem.
- Trust each other. Another big problem that may lead to divorce is lack of trust. (And let me tell you this, if you don’t have trust going into the marriage then you shouldn’t get married yet). If you’re already married and don’t trust your partner, you may need to attend some type of therapy or have some seriously long discussions.
- Don’t panic. It may be difficult when you feel like your marriage is falling apart, but panicking will only lead to potential problems. You may become needy, anxious, or think your partner is up to no good (when they really are being loyal). Relax. Take a deep breath and take it one step at a time.
- Talk to a professional. Just because you are far apart doesn’t mean that a marriage counselor can’t benefit you. Sometimes you need a third party to step in and really help with the big issues you simply can’t seem to fix on your own.
How to Survive Long Distance Marriage
Being apart from the person you love is difficult, but you can make things a little bit easier by doing the right things. Here’s some easy ways to survive through a long distance marriage:
Set an End Date
I can’t stress enough how important it is to have an end date to your long distance problems. The end date is something you can look forward to. It will remind you that you and your lover won’t be apart forever; it’s just for the time being.
One great way to make sure you remember the end date is to add a countdown on your phone! There’s a lot of great apps that allow you to place the countdown right on your home screen, so you can be reminded daily.
The end date will keep you strong and confident while you’re apart from your significant other. Whenever you’re feeling lonely and upset, simply taking a look at the end date on your phone will help you to not be discouraged, and have hope instead.
There’s nothing worse than sitting at home staring at the wall waiting for your partner to come back. Not only is this boring beyond belief but it will also make time go by very slowly.
To ensure you’re not getting stuck in a rut waiting for your spouse, keep yourself occupied. There’s a lot of different activities and things you can do while you wait, including trying some new classes, learning new things, exercising, working, or going to school. The possibilities are virtually limitless!
Another way to help stay busy is to contact your friends and family members to get out and have some fun. This might mean going out to dinner and drinks with your gal pals, or going to visit your grandmother and help her water her plants. Simply being around loved ones will keep you busy and happy while you wait.
Keep Them Closeby
How do you keep your loved one close by when they’re in another state, or even another country? What I mean by ‘keeping them closeby’ is to make sure you have their picture in plenty of places, especially the pictures of the two of you together. Seeing their face often will remind you how much you love them, giving you the strength to continue.
You can also make sure they stay ‘close by’ by having video chats at least once a week. This will give you as much ‘almost physical contact’ you can receive, and is a very important part of a healthy long distance relationship.
Try and also plan visits as much as you can. This is a great way to strengthen your relationship and give you a little bit of physical and emotional connection to pull you through the next several months. Plan special trips, activities, and romantic date nights to see you through every visit.
How to keep Long Distance Marriage Alive and Avoid Cheating
Even if you are your spouse are tighter than ever and have a beautiful relationship that has never been riddled with jealousy or even the thought of anyone being a cheater, being apart for so long can bring these feelings up. In fact, cheating is one of the biggest concerns people have when they are far away from each other.
So how can you make sure that your marriage stays ‘alive’ and no one is tempted to cheat? There’s actually a few easy things you can do to keep the marriage spicy:
- Send him some sexy pictures. There is nothing quite like taking a gander at the person you love in a sexy outfit, coupled with a sultry pose. Don’t send these too often, though; let it be a very pleasant surprise every once in awhile.
- Get frisky over the phone. Ever heard of phone sex? It’s a great way to engage in some sort of X rated activity without being next to each other.
- X Rated video chats. Take it a step further (if you’re not too shy) and get ‘busy’ over video chat. This is a surefire way to keep the flame going in your marriage!
- Listen to each other. Not everything has to be sexual to keep a person loyal. By simply listening to your partner and being there for them during the ups and downs and everything in between will keep them happy and strong with their partner.
- Be romantic. There’s nothing quite like a romantic letter or a little gift that shows you care.
To put it simply, a good combination of sexual chemistry and emotional connection is necessary to keep a long distance marriage alive, so make sure you are doing both.
A long distance marriage can be really tough, but it can also be a beautiful thing if the two of you are fully committed and ready to take on the challenge.
Just remember to communicate often and visit as much as possible and the relationship should flourish. Don’t forget to always have an end date!