Happy Holidays for Long Distance Couples: A Survival Guide
Holidays can be hard. Especially for long-distance couples. Enduring endless dinners with your crazy relatives without a complacent sigh shared with your partner? Hearing all those cheesy Christmas songs when you’ve got no one to squeeze? Missing the one person who knows you better than anyone? Madness.
If you and your long-distance partner want to get through this holiday season with a smile on your face, read on. In this holiday survival guide for long distance couples, we’ll share a few awesome tips that are sure to spice up your romantic life. No matter how far apart you may be.
Send a love letter
I think we can all agree. Messaging apps are in all ways superior to sending old-fashioned handwritten letters. Yet there’s something strangely enticing about the written word. Knowing that the ink on a piece of paper was willed into existence by a person on the other end adds a sultry twist on the medium. It’s more personal, more enticing, and not in the least, more romantic.
So, go old school and write your lover an epic, handwritten love letter. Put to words how they make you feel, how much you miss them, all the things you want to do when you see them again. Hell, write them a poem: go to town! And don’t forget to leave an XOXO at the bottom!
Bonus tip: douse the envelope with your favorite perfume. That’ll get the heart racing. Better yet, enclose a lewd picture of yourself. Here’s hoping that the letter isn’t accidentally posted to the neighbors.
Send a bottle of liquid joy
There are so many holiday traditions. Each family has their own, gathered from a lifetime of merry moments spent with the ones they love. The best holidays, however, have one secret ingredient: a healthy dose of booze.
And distance doesn’t have to mean you can’t enjoy a drink with your lover. What better way to say ‘I love you’ than with alcohol? Sharing a drink will get you both in a good mood. So, go ahead, and lift your partner’s spirits with some spirits.
Get a bottle of their favorite drink, wrap it up all nice and Christmassy and send it over to your lover. And don’t forget to pour yourself a little something too! Set up a Skype date where your partner opens their gift and raise your glasses. Here’s looking at you, babe! Cheers!
Seduce (with consent) with booze: a cocktail to remember
What’s better than a glass of alcohol? A fancy glass of alcohol, of course! That’s why everyone loves cocktails so much. The holidays are a perfect time to indulge in a cocktail or two with your lover. Even if they’re far away.
So, send your partner all the ingredients to make a very special cocktail that you can later enjoy together over a Skype date. The perfect way to liven things up is to load the drink with aphrodisiacs. You know, that stuff that makes your heart pound. And some other parts as well.
We’ll set aside the well-known ones (who’d want to drink clams?) and dive right into the most erotic food ever created: chocolate.
Here’s the recipe. Fill a martini glass with three equal parts of vodka, heavy cream, and chocolate syrup. Run some red sugar across the rim to give it that final naughty touch, and voila! You’ve created the ultimate, boozy, naughty, seductive cocktail you both been craving for and never knew it.
Send your partner all the ingredients plus the recipe, and prepare it together live on camera. Watch as your cheeks flush and you both get hammered. Who knows what might happen when the glasses are empty?
Bitch about family together
Of course, you love your family. But let’s be real: they can drive you crazy from time to time. And somehow the crazy reaches a boiling point during the holidays. So, when the verbal brawl heats up and the mashed potatoes fly across the dining room, lock yourself in your bedroom, and reach out to your partner. After all, your lover knows best what drives you crazy about your family.
But to give is to receive. Be prepared when they call you up in the middle of night, to rant about all the stuff that’s been bottled up since December started. It’ll be a great stress reliever for both of you, and you’ll grow closer for it.
Make plans for the new year
And when you’re done bitching about the negativity, it’s time to focus on some good stuff! A great way to overcome the sadness of being apart during the holidays is to create a long list of all the stuff you’re planning to do in the new year.
You can already plan out all the things you want to do during your visits to each other in the new year. Besides each other, of course. It’s fun to anticipate these moments and it will help you make the most out of your visits. Because we all know how these visits go. Without something planned, you’ll probably never leave the bed.
Not that that’s a bad thing.
Set a plate for your partner
Even if your darling can’t make dinner, that doesn’t mean they can’t join the festivities. Leave an empty chair and plop down your phone. Connect your partner so that they can be a part of your big holiday dinner. You can make it a nice, cozy dinner for two. Or invite some of your mutual friends to join in!
When your family or friends arrive and wave to a screen with your partner’s face on it, things might feel awkward at first. But soon it will be like your partner never left.
For the exceedingly daring, you might dare your partner (or yourself!) to wear a teledildonic device while at dinner. With the touch of a button, raise the vibrations to a maximum right as you’re carving a piece of chicken. A shameless risk, but you’ll never be hornier in your life. Talk about something sweet for dessert.
Christmas cooking together
Cooking dinner for your entire family. One relishes it, other dreams of it only in their greatest nightmares. Whatever your feelings about preparing the holiday feast, involving your long-distance sweetheart in the preparations is a great way to keep that smile on both your faces the entire time.
Livestream yourself while you whip up the cream and stir the risotto. Share a laugh when a dish hopelessly fails, cry together when the dessert slips from your hands at the last possible moment. Though our phones can’t stream taste or smells yet, the scenes of your cooking will surely bring them forth anyway.
For a sexy twist you can wear an apron, with nothing underneath. Provided that your family isn’t already staying with you and catches you in the act of beguiling your beloved with cooking skills.
A naughty gift (and opening it over Skype)
Buying stuff from the store is a thing of the past. Anyone who’s ever bought lingerie, toys, or anti-diarrhea pills at a brick-and-mortar store is sure to agree with me. Begone, judging looks of the cashier, when I try to pay for my booze and condoms! These days, everything even remotely indiscreet is sent in an unassuming brown box.
So, how can you use this to your advantage with your holiday sweetheart across the border? Simple. Buy a lewd sex toy (one with teledildonic capabilities is the best!), slip a note in the box saying: ‘don’t open without me watching’, and send it off, enjoying the fruits of your labor when it arrives.
Going all out this year? Buy your lover some sexy lingerie to wear. Go for a festive red! If you’re lucky, they might even wear it during your holiday Skype date while they open the other gifts. And don’t be shy, put on something slutty yourself as well!
Or buy one of those beautiful interactive pleasure products by Kiiroo. Interactive sex is the future of long distance lovemaking.
Savor the blush on your lover’s face when the box unfolds. Who knows, you might even be privy to watch its first use.
Make a dirty phone call
Even though you two are miles away from each other, that doesn’t mean you can’t talk to each other. You might not be able to touch each other directly but hearing each other’s voice over the phone can be just as hot. Getting all hot and heavy over the phone is a foolproof way to keep both ends of the line satisfied.
You might think phone sex is a bit old-fashioned. Who calls these days anyway? Either it’s a robocall, or some friend who decides to cancel holiday dinner last minute (thanks dude, it wasn’t like I was roasting a turkey for four goddamn hours!)
But trust me, give it a try! Put your inhibitions aside and talk dirty to that phone! Tell your lover all the things you want to do to them. Or you want them to do to you.
Want to make it even more exciting? Use video chat to give your partner something sweet to dream about. Tease them by pleasuring yourself real nice and slow.
They can even join in on the fun. These days, you can connect both of your favorite sex toys, and pleasure each other even from across the Pacific Ocean. Yay, science!
Watch me bathe
You deserve a break from all the holiday stress! And what better way to unwind than with a nice, hot bath. Letting all that tension glide right off of you. Rinse yourself from all the bad vibes and take a sigh of relief. Time to treat yourself!
Such sweet moments are rare. In the spirit of time management, why not combine your self-love moment with a video date with your partner. Prepare your bath, light some candles, and put on some relaxing music in the background. Set up your phone in a way that your partner can get a good view and let the magic begin.
Cover your private parts with bubbles and blow them away one by one. That will get the flames roaring in no time. Splish splash!
The best way to stay happy during the holiday? Just say it with me: fuck it. Fuck it all. Fuck your family and just do what you actually want to do.
It doesn’t matter if it’s overpriced. Buy that plane ticket. Ride that train. Hail that cab. Ring the bell and jump in your partner’s arms. I promise you; nothing will feel better than to kiss, cuddle, and be with the one you love during the holidays.
Don’t you just love grand, romantic gestures?
Just tell your family that you’ll be unable to make it. They’ll understand. If not, you’ll see them next holiday season.
If they’re lucky.
Watch a (naughty) Christmas movie together
Maybe you’re not in a position to visit your partner this holiday season. That sucks. But you can still enjoy one of the simple pleasures in life: watching a movie together.
Everyone has a favorite Christmas movie. Maybe you like the classics such as ‘It’s a wonderful life’. Or maybe you never skip a Christmas without watching ‘Home alone’ AGAIN. Cuddling up with your lover under the blankets to watch a cheesy Christmas movie might be one of the best things about the holidays.
And you don’t have to skip out on movie night just because your partner lives far away! Set a date to watch a movie together while you can talk about it over Skype. Light some candles and have your favorite snacks ready too while you’re at it!
Feeling naughty? Why not take it one step further and indulge with your partner in watching some good old-fashioned porn together? You can just enjoy the show or simultaneously give yourselves some holiday love. Did you know mutual masturbation has a lot of benefits for couples? And thanks to the wonder of the internet all you long-distance lovers can now enjoy it too! That is one quick way to get on Santa’s naughty list.
Let’s give this holiday a proper happy ending.
Ho! Ho! Ho!