If you’re not happy about being in a long-distance relationship, you are not alone in facing this. 75% of all engaged couples have been in a long-distance relationship at one point or another.
Being in a relationship is an amazing and fulfilling experience, but long-distance relationships can be difficult and challenging, too. This makes being in a relationship even tougher when it’s long-distance.
A relationship demands your time, attention, sacrifice, and a great deal of understanding for your significant other. As a result, a long-distance relationship eventually needs double everything, plus a little more.
Yes, you read it correctly. It takes a whole lot of patience, and I mean a lot!
I was in a long-distance relationship with my partner, who lived in Canada while I was in the UAE. When we were together, everything was ideal; we were a happy, lovey-dovey couple. He was accepted to the University of Alberta and had to relocate.
Things went well initially, but we subsequently had problems communicating due to the time zone differences, availability concerns, and the effort of convincing each other to understand what was going on in our individual lives. That’s when I succumbed to the lure of long distance relationship anxiety.
Wait! There’s a lot more to discuss. It didn’t end up there; instead, I learned and researched about long-distance relationship issues, how to combat them, and how to live with the worry that comes with them.
I’m going to share what I’ve learned and what has helped me to overcome my own long distance anxiety.
💖 Table of Contents
What is Long Distance Relationship Anxiety?
First, let’s have a look at what long-distance relationship anxiety looks like. Long-distance relationship anxiety is an overabundance of dread and worry in a relationship, a mix of feelings, ideas, and actions that may be devastating when two people must be apart.
It might start even before the person leaves, and can make both lovers frightened by the prospect of being apart. Anxiety levels may rise during the separation when one or both mates experience elevated stress.
This could lead to negative feelings, beliefs, and actions in long-distance relationships, whether the time apart is for days, weeks, or months.
As per a recent study, up to 6.6 percent of American adults suffer from separation anxiety when they are separated from someone they care about. This suggests that a large number of people are struggling with this issue in their relationships.
One or both individuals in a relationship may have a negative reaction to the separation.
Anxiety in long-distance relationships may bring a roller coaster of pessimistic emotions like sadness, grief, hopelessness, isolation, rage, depression, irritation, weeping fits, regret, envy, resentment, overthinking, and clinginess.
LDR anxiety may be annoying at best and crippling at worst. Despite the fact that it affects both partners in various ways, you can learn to handle it, while still maintaining a tight relationship, no matter the distance.
Dealing with the anxiety of a long-distance relationship will take time and patience. If you want to make your long-distance relationship work, then just keep reading.
I have compiled a list of do’s and don’ts to avoid the anxiety of a long-distance relationship.
The Do’s
Do make sure the distance is temporary
Without hope, a long-distance relationship will perish. And, in order for there to be hope, there has to be a chance that the two individuals involved will one day be together and live happily ever after.
If there isn’t a common vision of happily ever after, everything else is worthless. Keep in mind that love isn’t enough. You both need to have similar life goals, shared beliefs, and compatible hobbies.
Not only does a shared vision of a possible future for you and your partner need to exist, but it also has to be realistic.
If you decide to continue in a long-distance relationship, you must have a strategy in place for what will happen next, and you must both strive toward that goal.
Do things together
You can still have fun together even if you aren’t physically in the same spot. Have a movie night together over Skype, where you can watch the same movie even if you’re in different countries.
Binge-watching TV with your lover has never been easier thanks to Netflix or other streaming services. Play online games or quizzes with your partner and debate the results to stimulate fresh and fascinating conversations.
Do plan a surprise
Everyone enjoys a pleasant surprise. I am sure you and your lover both enjoy surprises. Why don’t you use the time you’ve set aside to prepare for their next big surprise?
This activity offers you a lovely outlet for your energies, allows you to unleash your creativity, and provides the ideal platform for strengthening your connection.
Rather than grumbling about missing your lover the next time you have to be away, make a pleasant surprise for them. It does not have to be extravagant. Even making plans for a dinner date at their favorite restaurant is a wonderful act.
Do try to build a hobby together
Hobbies can test you, help you pass time in a fun way, and help you relax. If you and your partner have enough time to try out a new activity, consider finding something you and your partner can do together.
If you want to video chat or communicate in speaker mode, look for a hobby you can do at home. You can try painting, sketching, baking, cooking, yoga, exercising, or learning a new language, which are all good things to do.
Do keep a physical object that reminds you of your partner
The items of a loved one might have a lot of sentimental value. Consider their shampoo in the bathroom, their favorite book on the table, or even the smell of their perfume on your sheets.
All of these things may help you recall your partner’s presence, even if they’re thousands of miles away. Those items will be waiting for you the next time you arrive.
In the interim, these objects that symbolize their physical presence could make you both feel that the period between visits isn’t as long as it appears.
Do work on intimacy
In many long-distance relationships, maintaining sexual closeness is a major difficulty. If you and your spouse have sex frequently, the absence of personal contact during your weeks or months apart may be a source of frustration.
Even though you’re separated, you can still connect deeply. Remember that not everyone is comfortable with digital intimacy, so always talk about personal limits, whether it comes to photographs, phone sex, or webcam use.
It’s natural to feel timid at first, but don’t be afraid to express your feelings. After all, discussing embarrassing moments may frequently lead to increased intimacy.
Do try to be committed and have confidence
If you feel that this one person is everything you want, then have faith and be patient; this time will pass soon. Be confident about your relationship.
This is true for everyone in a long-distance relationship. Before squandering valuable time, be sure you’re actually dedicated to someone.
The Don’t
Don’t be spontaneous all the time
Make preparations ahead of time. Make a schedule for talking and video conferencing before you or your companion leave.
Plan activities that you can do “together,” such as going for walks at the same time and sharing photos of what you observe.
Don’t shut your communication needs off
Decide how often you want to communicate when you initially start a long-distance relationship, aside from occasional text messages all through the day.
You may both agree that you want to chat a lot, but you may differ on what that means in practice. An early compromise on this can help you navigate the later annoyance if your desired levels of communication differ.
While a surprise “missing you” phone call now and then is nice, scheduling longer conversations can help you connect when you’re both at your best. If your companion is a night owl and you’re a morning person, for example, schedule calls for just before or after supper.
Making time for one another is essential for a relationship, whether you live hours or even time zones away.
Having a common understanding of what you expect from the other person is vital, whether it is setting up time in the evenings for a Facetime catchup or agreeing not to text throughout the day and instead opting for a talk after you get home from work.
Communication is a must in any relationship, and more so in long distance relationships. It’s imperative that you and your partner be on the same page when it comes to staying in touch and being organized.
Don’t resist setting boundaries
It is not suggested to do anything on social media that you wouldn’t want the other person to see. Be aware of the circumstances that could make your long-distance partner feel uncomfortable or threatened.
You don’t have to check in or obtain clearance from your partner for every social encounter you have, but you should establish clear limits and guidelines that are beneficial to both of you and follow them.
Don’t be unrealistic
When you’re in a long-distance relationship, it’s essential to think positively, but you also need to be realistic. While you may hope your partner will text you throughout the day, every day, while you’re both at work, this is neither feasible nor healthy.
You might want to use FaceTime every night before going to bed, but sometimes it may not be possible. You and your partner have distinct lives, and you won’t always be able to video chat at the same time, especially if you reside in different time zones.
Another key component to talk realistically about is the relationship’s “ultimate aim.”
Do you want to remain long-distance for the rest of your life? Most likely not. You’ll have to talk about it.
Don’t misjudge your partner
When humans are separated from one another, a curious thing happens psychologically: we are unable to view each other as we actually are.
When we are separated from one another or have limited exposure to a person or situation, we begin to develop a variety of assumptions and judgments that are either exaggerated or utterly incorrect. Have faith in your mate.
As the old adage says, you can’t have a good relationship without trust. You might be thinking, “What if he/she walks out of the house today and meets someone amazing?”
Despite the fact that he/she gave you no reason to feel that way. Your companion is at your side and cares for you.
Express your feelings to him or her, and keep in mind that these views may merely be a mirror of your own feelings or insecurities. Be gentle with yourself and return the favor.
Don’t compare your relationship
Stop comparing your relationship to the relationships of others. I understand. You witness “normal” couples who live together, date regularly, and make plans for the future.
Then you take a look at your relationship and can’t help but notice the flaws. You can be obsessed with the times you’ve fought about them missing an agreed phone call, annoyed about being separated for so long, and unhappy at the relationship’s advancement.
With all of these overwhelming emotions, it’s easy to lose sight of the good things.
And these are significant things: the times you stay up all night chatting on the phone, the amount of quality time you spend together rather than quantity, the incredible sex you share, the laughter, the jokes, everything.
Keep the positives in mind, and remember that there are benefits to being in a long-distance relationship, such as the ability to live your life independently while being loved by someone who lives far away.
You might discover clarity once you stop comparing your relationship and start embracing it.
Don’t try to command or rule
Don’t attempt to be in command, as I have learnt from personal experience. Your lover is thousands of miles away.
They have their own lives, while you have yours. With such a deep dread of losing them and so much space between you, panic mode, followed by a need for control, may set in.
Instead of attempting to control your partner’s life, seek out activities that bring you joy, since if you prevent your mate from doing something they like, you may alienate them.
