Long Distance Open Relationship Guide: How to Make it Work?

Being in a long distance relationship is daunting as it is; having an open relationship while you are miles apart can even be more challenging. However, it is possible if both partners are on the same page about having an open kind of relationship. Both sides must be prepared emotionally, mentally, and physically for this arrangement.

One thing that you have to deal with is the people around you, most notably, your family, who would be against the idea. And yes, there are certainly a lot of challenges along the way. Without further ado, let’s take a deeper understanding of what an open relationship is.

What does an open relationship mean?

An “open relationship” is a non-monogamous arrangement were two individuals in a relationship mutually agree to explore outside relationships. In other words, to remain in your current relationship, yet still see others outside of this.

This can take many forms from casual or steady sex partners to the occasional date. It is a known fact that this kind of relationship is nothing new and instances of couples enjoying open relationships have increased throughout the years.

But, unlike a monogamous relationship, it is open; thus, you set your own rules. However, it still helps to take the opinions of experts into consideration.

Therapists, relationship coaches, and couples who have been through these kinds of relationships could guide you so that you’re not forced to walk this bridge alone and blinded to what’s expected.

Open relationship versus Polyamory

Usually, this is where the confusion starts when a couple agrees on an open relationship, when in fact, it’s Polyamory they are after.

The main difference between the two is the emotional connection shared with the other party. An “open relationship” allows you to sleep with someone outside of the main relationship. Polyamory is having a deep-seated emotional bond with multiple partners.

Before diving into opening up the conversation with your partner, understand expressly what kind of non-monogamous relationship you are after. Introducing the idea to your partner should not be like dropping a bomb from out of the blue.

Try to test the waters first and drop hints here and there before blowing up the whole idea to them. Don’t assume that you are on the same page immediately as anything can happen. Often, their choices are rooted in how they were brought up or what their own personal values are. Test the waters and take it slowly from there.

Careful thought must be applied to ensure that you both approach the idea in an objective way rather than subjective that can lead to misunderstanding.

Contrary to what others think, having an Open Long-Distance Relationship arrangement is built on solid trust and communication. It means both parties need to look at this with an open mind.

They must have full confidence in their significant other that their current relationship will survive and rise above any challenges that come their way. It is not an arrangement that can suit everyone.

Before you take the dive, both partners must sit down and discuss things together to understand if this is for them or not.

Will a “long distance open relationship” work for you and your significant other?

A relationship works both ways. Thus, there must be a consensus from both parties to enter into this type of set-up.

After the initial conversation where you discuss the idea with your partner, allow each one to take a moment and ponder things by themselves. This is crucial for you to have open communication once you both sit down and talk things through.

Here are some things that you have to consider and understand if an “open relationship” is right for you and your significant other.

Write a pros and cons list

Both partners must weigh all possibilities, consequences, and rewards in entering into this type of arrangement.

It is best if you approach it in a logical frame of mind rather than from an emotional perspective. List down all the advantages and disadvantages of an open long-distance relationship.

You will be surprised to see how this exercise would give you a deeper understanding of your partner’s knowledge of this kind of relationship.

Ensure that both of you are on the same page

The worst thing that could happen is one partner said yes because the other one was persistent. Entering this kind of set-up on a trial-and-error mindset could just ruin your relationship rather than strengthen it.

Remember that an open and long-distance relationship begets trust and communication. As such, you are both expected to be completely honest with each other and voice out any hesitations that you have regarding this kind of relationship.

Studies show that 40% of couples say it’s okay the first time but end up regretting their decision in the middle of the arrangement. It’s one of those decisions worth pondering about, and where individual preferences must be respected and accepted.

An open relationship is not a scapegoat

Do not avoid any relationship issues by opening up the relationship. An “open long distance relationship” cannot mend a current relationship that’s broken, in fact, it can result in a drawback.

Both partners must declare the reasons why they would want this kind of arrangement from the start.

If the partner who initiated this set-up uses this way to cover up a mistake they made, like cheating, relationship experts do not recommend diving into an open relationship.

Cheating is in itself a breach of trust where solid trust is the foundation for an open long-distance relationship to work.

Things that you have to know to have a successful long distance open relationship

After going through all of the tips above, you must then make a final decision. And if both of you are ready to jump into this, here’s a long distance open relationship guide to get you started.

Experts like Dr. Joshua Klapow, clinical psychologist, Dr. Elizabeth Sheff and Courtney Watson, a licensed marriage therapist, shed some light on the ins and outs of an open long-distance relationship.

Specify which type of open relationship that will work for you

According to Dr. Sheff. “There are various types of open relationships like monogamish, polyamory, swinging relationship anarchy, and then just open — individuals sometimes prefer to identify that way.”

Both partners should truthfully answer questions regarding the open long-distance relationship set-up. Just remember that what can work for you does not necessarily mean that it is the same for the other.

Let’s say, going out and sleeping with someone else might be okay for you, but would you think the same way for your partner? Would it be okay with you if your partner slept with someone else?

Here are some questions you might want to both answer very truthfully:

• Are you just looking for a sexual relationship knowing the other is miles away?
• Would you want your partner to come to your house?
• Are you comfortable with your partner sleeping with other partners?
• Do you prefer having regular dating schedules or just being spontaneous?

There are certainly more questions that you can ask each other. The bottom line is that both of you should answer it with honesty. And, the other accepts the other’s opinion as that is what’s comfortable with them.

Do it for the right reasons

Couples who agree to enter an open relationship always have reasons as to why they opt for such a set-up. This reason must be crystal clear and transparent to all those involved.

No hiding behind the bush, and just saying what the other wants to hear or what could make them agree to the arrangement.

Remember that if you are already happy with the relationship you have with your partner, why would you look for another relationship or open up the existing relationship?

In long-distance relationships where distance can always be a factor, is it just your yearning for intimacy that had led you to choose this option? Or are there other traits or things that are lacking in your partner you would like to seek?

Being committed to someone else is not like a dirty old rag that you throw away once it’s been used. Or are you just using this relationship until you find a replacement? Commitment requires trust, love, and respect from both individuals.

Thus, it is only when you find a common reason that both of you agree on that you can decide to open the relationship. However, if one of you have other hidden motives apart from wanting to be in an open relationship, its time to rethink your existing relationship.

Remember, they are not the reserve tire that you’ll use when the other is no longer working for you.

Go back to why you made that commitment with the person in the first place. Do you still see yourself in a relationship with them, despite the distance? Or has distance become a reason that is as clear as mud that your relationship is due to die soon, it’s just a matter of time?

Self-reflect and find out the answer. The truth is the problem will still continue if it is not dealt with directly.

Your current relationship will only suffer from the long distance polyamory, and can even jeopardize new relationships. But if both of you have set your mind to it, then that’s a good start!

You must set guidelines for your open relationship

While there are no set guidelines carved on a stone out there, this guideline is something that you and your partner should know so you can grow in this new type of relationship together.

Preferably, for your protection and to avoid confusion, it should be written where both of you signed, and other partners who get involved should be aware of. Here are some of the things that should be on the guideline:

1. What you want from this new arrangement.
2. What you’d prefer, but isn’t essential in the arrangement.
3. What you’re definitely not okay with.

Again, this is not carved in stone. You and your significant other should examine it regularly if you are still amenable to the guidelines you initially set.

People change, emotions change… this is constant, so a relationship guideline must adapt with time.

Talk… Talk… and then talk some more

As we discussed earlier, communication and trust play a vital role in the success of an open long-distance relationship.

Therefore, you must have regular check-ins with your significant other to understand their take on the current set-up of your relationship.

Don’t leave your partner in the dark, causing suspicion and anxiety to rise. Especially if you and your partner are halfway around the globe without a friend in sight near the other’s vicinity, hiding the truth can put your relationship in jeopardy.

One of Watson’s suggestions is to share your digital calendar with your partners. This will allow transparency and trust to seep through as everyone is aware of where you are.

When you’re dealing with multiple partners, it pays to be organized and clear about things to avoid hurting anyone’s feelings — your own included.

Also, you must set a communication rhythm that will work with you and your partners, most notably the primary relationship that is miles away. Based on a survey conducted by Typing.com, 40% of long-distance relationship couples set rules on how often they communicate with each other.

Considering that you also have other partners in the picture, you must also set clear and defined standards on this. If you demand a response time of four to five hours while in a monogamous relationship, this might not work when you have other regular partners in the picture.

Find a pattern or rhythm that works for both of you without instigating jealousy or making the other partner worry. The least we want is to put a strain on your relationship just because you forgot to call or text them.

How to deal with jealousy

Jealousy, whether you like it or not, can happen even in an open relationship. This is more so when the other partner feels that you are spending more time with the additional partner than with them.

Or, it can be the other way around, when your partner is giving you lesser attention than you usually get from them. But jealousy should not be a trigger to quit everything all together and abandon the open long-distance relationship you began.

However, it is a reason for both of you to sit down and talk things through. Especially now, communication is essential.

Taking time to yourself

One thing that you also have to look into is reinforcing the “me” time that you got as a perk when you entered the long-distance relationship in the first place.

Dealing with different partners could have decreased the amount of “me” time you have now, but should not be a reason to abandon it at all. Rather than demanding too much attention from someone else, use that time to rejuvenate and rediscover yourself.

Often, when you are around other people too much, you lose your own identity. These opportunities alone will not just help you refresh but also give you time to reassess things. Specifically, if you are still happy with the current set-up or do you want to move on.

Sexual health awareness for you and your partners

One of the most significant risks in an open relationship is being prone to sexually transmitted diseases for having multiple sexual partners.

This is a topic that you should openly communicate about, not just to your existing partner but to everyone that you get in touch with. While having an open relationship can be exciting and thrilling, it does come with a risk.

Discussions around how to stay safe and protected must be had, specifically around treatments and previous exposures. You must reinforce this procedure not just to yourself but with others. Safety is still the key. Better safe than sorry.

An open long distance relationship is not your last resort

Everyone doesn’t like the idea of being dumped or abandoned. But, it should never be a reason to enter into an open relationship, especially when you are miles away from each other.

Allowing your partner to “legally” hook up with someone else will not change anything in your current relationship. Tackle the issue head-on. If the relationship is bound to end, then so be it.

Avoiding breakups through an open LDR can result in regret and more misunderstandings down the road. Use the opportunity when your relationship ends to find time for yourself and grow as a person. Another partner will never be able to fill what is lacking in your life.

Only you can fill yourself up. Grow as an individual person to avoid clingy relationships that only become toxic as time goes by. A toxic relationship, in the end, will just hurt both of you.

Seek help and support

When things are going haywire, and a conversation with your partner is almost impossible, seek help from experts. Do not just lean into anyone for advice, especially if they have never been in the same boat that you are riding right now.

Trust the experts – seek help from relationship coaches and therapists to find ways on how to succeed in your open long-distance relationship.

In the end, the choice is up to both of you. We can’t remove the stigma or wrong impressions people have on open relationships, more so, if they open a long-distance relationship.

You have morality, emotional instability, religious and cultural beliefs, and maturity to consider. Not all open relationships are bad, especially if done for the right reasons and where there was a consensus.

Studies actually show that people in an open relationship have an equal or better quality of relations than their monogamous counterparts.

Again, the decision is entirely up to you. If you feel that you have a stable relationship with trust and love as a foundation, go dive in!