Does the No Contact Rule Work in Long Distance Relationships?

Having a long-distance relationship with your loved one is already tough as it is.

When you have to force yourself to wake up because it’s morning where they are at, and it’s the only time that they have, it’s tough. When you have to ditch a friend’s birthday party because your significant other is coming over for the weekend and it’s the only time you’ll have together for what might be months, it’s tough.

You have sacrificed certain things to give up your time to communicate with your partner through the help of modern technology. Then, all of a sudden, your partner asks for a no contact rule.

How would you feel? Should you say yes?

The no-contact practice is popular among couples who broke up. Some got their ex back and some bid farewell forever. But, does it work on long-distance relationships, too? If the distance is so daunting, is no-contact even necessary for long-distance relationships?

As the receiving party, the no contact rule is quite a lot to take in. Often, you end up questioning your worth as a partner and asking what signs you missed or what you were neglecting all this time.

The blame game starts, which only deepens the hurt of the long-distance relationship, and you are asked not to communicate at all.

But before we go further, let’s distinguish the No Contact Rule from Ghosting. For some people in a relationship, these two can be interchanged or mixed, resulting in more confusion and misunderstanding between both parties.

Ghosting versus No Contact Rule

Let’s start with Ghosting. From the root word “ghost,” which means it has no real-life existence. The other partner disappears like a ghost, completely cutting you off from their world without any explanation.

There are no signs prior to this happening, and no further attempts whatsoever to no or explain their side of the story. This is especially easy for long-distance relationships where the other partner vanishes completely. They just move on, changing their address, school, or workplace, and leave you behind without any trace.

Ghosting is a break-up strategy that some people use to end a relationship. Which, more often than not, backfires big time.

The person who experiences Ghosting does not have any closure because of the sudden disappearance. On the one hand, the person who “ghosted” might have avoided the uncomfortable situation but, will be “haunted” for a lifetime.

Whereas, the No Contact Rule is when both parties agree to go through a period of no communication. The goal is to allow each other to find themselves and reassess their relationship.

The single biggest difference between the two is that there is mutual agreement between both parties that there will be no contact. Thus, the possibility of getting back together may still possible. Other countries dub this as the “cool-off phase” in a relationship, where they stay in the middle between being officially together and separated — a not so “cool” place.

The No Contact Rule is designed to let the other partner feel the consequence of their actions. To make them accountable and genuinely appreciate the things that matter most in their relationship.

It is a way to temporarily remove yourself from a toxic relationship so you can objectively decide whether you are still up for it or if you are willing to let go and move on.

The focus is not to bring them back and act as if nothing happened, but in finding your strength and identity to make you a better individual, and eventually, a stronger couple.

What are the “rules” in the No Contact Rule?

Before we go further in weighing the pros and cons of the No Contact Rule, let’s first understand the “rules” behind this rule.

During the no-contact period of time you both need to agree on, there shall be:

• no phone calls.
• no text messages.
• no tagging of each other on social media sites.
• no direct or private messages in any social media accounts.
• no video chat.
• no snail mail, if you are the classic romantic.
• no “accidentally” bumping into each other in places you know they frequent.
• no stalking on their social media account (for your own sake).

With these rules, certain exceptions will apply, such as emergency circumstances, if it’s a matter of life and death, legal matters, or when child custody and support are involved.

To all these circumstances, though, there are still certain restrictions like talking to each other ONLY concerning the exception. Meaning you can always talk about your child’s financial support ONLY. For any other issue, you should never communicate with each other.

How long should the No Contact Rule continue?

On average, the No Contact Rule should be four-to-six weeks, depending on your heart and mental status. Four weeks or 30 days should be enough to put your act together.

Within that period, there should be no contacting each other, aside from the exemptions listed above. Or else, you might yourself breaking the rule altogether.

What do you do when your partner contacts you first?

Despite your eagerness to reply or call them back, get a hold of yourself. Maybe you are ending the No Contact Rule prematurely that might lead to undesirable results in the end. The rule was established for a particular reason, perhaps because you are tired of waiting for each other online.

Or, you fail to recognize small issues that have accumulated over time. It is best to find the answers within yourself first rather than succumbing to your feelings. This is especially relevant if the one who made first contact is the one who initiated the rule.

Before jumping into the fire, look at it from an outsider’s perspective with an objective view. If your partner contacted you before the period is up, maybe it’s to fill a temporary longing that your absence has brought them.

Sure enough, they miss you. They miss you because they are used to having you around all the time. And, being alone gives them the loneliness that only you can address.

Now, if you are at the opposing end where you feel that you can’t take the distance and silence any longer, think twice. The fact that you are caving in could reflect on your ability to control yourself and make objective decisions.

Before you jump in, let’s look further at the benefits and negative impacts of having the No Contact Rule in place for a long-distance relationship.

Pros and cons of the No Contact Rule in a long-distance relationship

The No Contact Rule is one of those rules that is easier said than done. Laying down the rules, from the length of time it will be in place to how it’s going to work, is an easy-enough rule to make but harder to put into action.

Unfortunately, there is no batting average as to how many did make it through or not. Thus, entering into a No Contact Rule period of time in your relationship is a risk in itself. Let’s dive in and weigh the pros and cons.

Pros and benefits of having a No Contact Rule in your LDR

During this time, your objective is not to find ways to get back to each other’s arms but to find yourself. Learn to value yourself as a whole person without him by your side.

Finding your self-worth

Finish the things you had started but not completed when you agreed to enter into a long-distance relationship in this time alone. Without the regular phone calls or video chat, this would be the perfect time to finish your to-do-list or even get started on your bucket list.

You can’t give what you do not have. Thus, you must love yourself first and fill your own needs before you can reach out to other people. Rather than locking yourself inside your room and feeling sorry for yourself because your partner is no longer in touch, go out and meet new people. Expand the world that became so small because of your relationship, and above all, keep moving forward.

Rekindle the joy and passion for life that you once lost and become your best self away from another’s shadow. You will realize your worth and will never settle for anything less than what you deserve ever again.

Creating a New Perspective

Time away from each other will allow you to re-examine your relationship and even, your life as a whole:

• Is this the life you wanted?
• Do you see yourself with the same person in the years to come?
• Would you be willing to move to where they are or vise-versa?
• Is he/she THE ONE?

Without a constant voice bugging you, or even begging for your attention, you will gain a different perspective. You will be opening your doors to feedback and advice from other people.

Often, when you are in a relationship, you get blinded with what is happening in your relationship. There are things the outside world sees that you don’t. Their feedback could either wake you up or strengthen the bond that you and your partner have.

Gain Clarity

Once you have gained a new perspective on your relationship, clarity comes into play. Things become as clear as a mirror, where you use your head more than your heart to understand what is happening.

The decision lies in your hand, but the new sets of eyes you have will give you substantial evidence to realize if your relationship is even worth fighting for in the end.

Spark Curiosity

A break in your couple routine can be uncomfortable at first. Especially when you have been used to knowing their whereabouts at any specific time.

Putting your partner in the dark sparks curiosity, especially if they don’t know about anything that you might be doing other than talking to them. Let them be. Remember, absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Cons of the No Contact Rule after your LDR break up

Some people who have been in too many relationships, making it a habit, can find the No Contact Rule daunting.

Rebound Relationships

Especially if the partner is miles apart from each other, it is easy to fall into the trap of falling for someone conveniently closest to you. Even when the last partner could have been THE ONE, their mere absence becomes too much to handle.

You long for someone to share your emotions with. You succumb to a rebound relationship to fill in the gap. But then, realizing that the new one can never outdo your previous relationship.

Making you feel more miserable about yourself. And leaving you to handle the time apart in a No Contact Rule situation in the worst way.

Paranoia

In relationships, even for long-distance ones, we share as much as we can to show that we are not hiding anything. From out of the blue, when the regular communication stops, paranoia can rule over you.

Not hearing anything from them can put you off guard. You end up expecting the worst, grieving over something that may not even have happened.

High Expectations

When one you expect too much, thinking that the No Contact Rule will get you back together in the end, you are in for a huge disappointment. Especially if the result is the complete opposite, you find yourself more confused and disappointed than ever.

Setting you up for another round of heart-wrenching break-up. Then, you will feel that your time and effort have all gone to waste.

Does No Contact Work In Long Distance Relationships?

In long distance relationships, the effectiveness of implementing a no-contact strategy remains a topic of interest. Many individuals question whether this approach truly yields positive outcomes for couples who are physically separated.

Studies suggest that the success of no-contact largely depends on the unique circumstances and dynamics of each relationship. While some couples find that temporarily ceasing communication allows for personal growth and introspection, others may feel a sense of abandonment or detachment.

Furthermore, the effectiveness of no contact also depends heavily on the level of trust and commitment present within the relationship.

Ultimately, whether no contact works in a long distance relationship can vary significantly, and it is crucial for couples to assess their individual circumstances before deciding if this strategy is suitable for their particular situation.

5 signs the No Contact Rule is working

As we’ve seen, the No Contact Rule involves cutting off all communication with a partner (whether current or ex) to create space for personal growth. If effectively implemented, there are several signs that indicate the No Contact Rule is working:

1. Firstly, the individual will begin to feel a sense of empowerment and independence, as they no longer rely on their ex-partner for emotional support.
2. Secondly, the person will experience a decrease in anxiety and obsessive thoughts about the relationship, allowing them to focus on their own well-being.
3. Thirdly, the individual may notice an improvement in their overall mood and a reduction in feelings of sadness or despair.
4. Fourthly, they may begin to engage in new activities, hobbies, or social interactions, demonstrating their renewed sense of self.
5. Lastly, the No Contact Rule’s effectiveness can be measured by the individual’s ability to reflect on the relationship without experiencing overwhelming emotions, indicating emotional healing and personal growth.

These signs collectively signify that the No Contact Rule is working effectively and aiding the individual in moving forward from the past relationship.

How long is too long for a No Contact Rule?

Determining the appropriate duration for the No Contact Rule can vary greatly depending on the circumstances.

Some experts suggest that a period of 30 days is generally sufficient for individuals to reflect on their feelings and assess the future of the relationship.

Others argue that the length of the no contact period should be proportional to the intensity and duration of the relationship.

Ultimately, the effectiveness and appropriateness of the No Contact Rule’s length depend on the specific dynamics of your relationship.

What to do after the No Contact Rule expires?

Once the period is over, it is best to sit down and talk about your next plan.

In any event where your partner starts “ghosting” on you, wait for at least 90 days before taking time to initiate a conversation to “check-in” on them. If they respond, well and good. If not, then take it as a hint that it is time to move on.

The truth can be overbearing to many, but it just means your partner was not the right one, and the right one will indeed come at the perfect time. The decision lies on you.

As long as both parties are in agreement to find the best for each other, there is no rule that says it can’t be done.

Entering into a No Contact Rule, especially in a long-distance relationship, is no easy feat, although compared to those within proximity, putting it into practice can be more manageable.

But, the wave of emotions, from relief to anger to fear, are all the same whether you’re close by or not.

To save your heart from another round of heartaches, remember the objective of the No Contact Rule. The goal is to become emotionally and mentally stable to accept anything that can happen in your relationship.

This is a time to heal from the intoxicating relationship, the constant demands, and the responsibilities you and your partner have shared. Toxic relationships might lead you two to hating each other.

Hating someone is not because you don’t love them, but because you feel like an outcast from the relationship.

You deserve more than that. The one who truly loves you will respect the person that you have become, beautiful and passionate. Make the most out of the experience.

If he/she loves you, they will come back. If they don’t, then maybe it was never meant to be.

You can either live your best life, or live the life they have decided is going to work best for them. The choice is yours.