The 7 Stages of Long Distance Relationships (#3 is the Worse)

Loving someone and being loved back is one of the best feelings in the world. Even the best of us can look and do stupid things in the name of love.

Being loved can fill the deep holes and overflow to other people around you. The “love glow” makes you look 90x better than you were before. As the old cliche goes, “Love can turn your world around.”

But, what if the world itself turns against you and tries to separate you from the one you love? What will become of love then?

Relationships that transcended different storms from breaking apart are the ones that stay intact for a long time, even for a lifetime.

Winds may shake relationships, but when two souls work hand-in-hand with each other, they can withstand any hurricane or any tsunami that may come their way. But, what if the other hand is miles apart from you?

Will that anchor hold despite the strong wind?

When the person you love needs to leave and stay miles away from you, facing challenges by yourself can be really difficult. You seem to lose the sail that keeps you afloat on your way to the right destination.

But, there are circumstances that can never be controlled. Especially if your partner’s work requires them to be dispatched to a far-away place, leaving you with no choice but to deal with the situation in the best way you can.

A long distance relationship is the norm nowadays. From high school sweethearts who had to separate because the other one is attending college in a different town or city, to military wives who have to deal with the fact that their husbands are dispatched to a different country or continent to defend their country.

With the advent of technology bringing in online dating sites, couples from across the globe can meet and fall in love for the first time through the world wide web.

However, be warned that it’s not for everyone. Not for the fainthearted, clingy, or stay-safe type kind of lovers.

You would not want your partner to go nuts explaining every single detail to you or running a thousand miles to look after someone who just suffered from an anxiety attack because of a single picture or misinterpreted text message.

Despite distance and time, love is powerful enough to sustain and keep those relationships going. If properly managed, long distance relationships can prove to be stronger than those where their partners are with them all the time.

Here are the 7 stages of a long distance relationship explained and how you should deal with it to foster a stronger relationship.

1. Dreadful Anticipation

Anticipating an incoming storm requires preparation. But, you can never remove the anxiety that it brings you.

How many people do you know who had to move to another town or city to attend a new college or to take on another job, leaving their loved ones behind? It is a common sight. You still feel those ants in your pants that it brings.

Admittedly, a long-distance relationship is never ideal, especially for new connections. Seeing couples eventually parting ways after being separated for so long does not offer any solace either. These are the very reasons why the thought of someone leaving is frightening in itself.

There is no guarantee of what is to come. That is why both parties must reach an agreement. If possible, you can have you and your partner visit the location where you are moving to and give them peace of mind.

If not, giving them your contact details — phone numbers, name of guardian or housemate, and address — so they can communicate with you anytime. Be creative in dealing with this anticipated separation, give gifts such as “Open when you are…” letters that can make them feel your presence wherever you are.

Give these letters at the airport, or you can leave them in their room or house and surprise them when they get home.

2. Honeymoon Stage

When both of you have settled in and parted ways with the assurance that you can beat the odds, hope is what bonds you together to stay stronger in the early stages of long distance dating.

At this stage, sharing your new adventures such as newly-discovered restaurants to visit or new-found friends that you met can pique the interest of both parties. Traveling to unfamiliar places does bring out the youthful vibe that perhaps you once lost in the old town.

Sharing those experiences with your love is like dusting some sprinkles on a vanilla ice cream you both love.

Hold this feeling as long as you can. In any relationship, the honeymoon stage does not stay long. This is something most married people can attest to. Soon enough, you will both be accustomed to the distance and “freedom” from each other that can lead to disengagement.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Use this opportunity to “miss” each other from time to time. Set regular schedules or commitments where you will have that you-and-me time whether it be via chat, call, or video chat.

Stick to these schedules like a pro to make the other person feel they are cared for. Surprise each other from time to time as to who goes first.

3. Feelings of Desolation

When the excitement subsides, bouts of emptiness will come into play. When you notice that empty chair sitting in front of you or the non-existent car that picks you up after school or work, the vacuum slips in.

The physical contact — smiles, whispers, and touches — that sends butterflies in your tummy is no longer there. Seeing couples walking hand in hand and even lovebirds can double or heighten the loneliness you feel.

Especially when you start seeing pictures of your partner having what seems like a good time on the other side of the world while you are alone can put you into self-pity mode. Don’t fret as this is a normal reaction for anyone who has been used to having someone by their side.

Feel the feeling but do not linger there. Hanging on to those negative emotions will do you no good. And for sure, this is the last thing your partner would want from you.

Look up at the sky often. Be like John and Savannah, in Dear John, who measures the moon with their thumb reminding each other you are still looking at the same moon.

Use this time to have the “me” first moments. Fill that emptiness with love for yourself and other people around you. Instead, find something you can be occupied with such as a new skill or a new hobby.

In place of their absence, use this time to finally catch up with old classmates or friends you have not seen for a while. A great support system can bring wonders to your soul and heart.

4. Terror Attacks

After loneliness comes anxiety. When you’re alone and feeling lonely, tons of emotions can start creeping in your system. Often, you can end up envisioning the strangest and worst thing that could happen.

Imagine how wives of seaman or military men feel, not knowing their partner’s destination whenever they part ways. Or, just seeing a picture or video on social media can spark a million questions in your mind that can lead to suspicion and distrust. Don’t go booking that next flight or train to your partner’s place just yet.

Our remedy — Trust and don’t jump to conclusions. Even physical contacts can have wrong interpretations, more so, looking at pictures or videos that you did not witness with your own eyes.

When you’re miles apart, having to explain via text or a call is never easy. Remember, one step backward is five steps forward. A moment of silence and reflection can give you a very different perspective on things.

Allowing your partner a moment to explain before you barge in would give them much confidence that you trust and respect them as individuals.

Use technology to your advantage, but not to find faults from the other party. Plan your date nights together, and be creative. Do things together, such as eating together via video chat or watching a movie at the same time that can spark cute moments from miles apart.

Even after a hard day’s work, there is something that both of you can look forward to.

5. Communication is vital

In any relationship, communication is the key. Especially in long-distance relationships where non-verbal communication may be lacking, talking it out with your partner is essential.

There is something sweet and loving about doing things the old way, such as letters. Letters and cards are for keeps, and something that can spark thousands of emotions, more so than text messages or emails can.

Also, you can follow simple rules while communicating:

1. When you have arguments, instead of texting, call each other. Text can be misinterpreted a million ways so talking on the phone is the best way to go.
2. Give each other time to talk.
3. Don’t overtalk.
4. Do not go to sleep without resolving your issues or problems.
5. Discuss how often should you call or text each other so it wouldn’t be overbearing.
6. Avoid distractions while on the phone with your partner. Do not multitask. Give 100% of your attention to them.

6. Conviction Stage

At any point in the relationship, establishing your faith in each other is essential. Your commitment to whether to pursue or let go is something you and your partner should both discuss.

Be honest with each other to understand where you both stand in the relationship. But, before any of you decide to let go. Try to stop and think as to what triggered your exhaustion.

Is it due to a petty fight? Or, is it both dragging you down to an endless pit of senseless expectations? Is the relationship worth fighting for?

Learning to trust and let go is never easy. Not being with each other physically all the time can lead to one of you drifting away from the other. Know when to pull the plug. But before you do, make sure that you have given the relationship a fair chance.

You wouldn’t want to end up regretting the end of your long distance relationship for the rest of your life for not giving it your best shot or not fighting hard enough. And if you do remain victorious despite the distance and time, then your relationship is for keeps.

7. Reunion stage

A long-distance relationship should always have an end date to it. This is the much-awaited stage in the relationship when you finally get the chance to see, touch, and smell each other and are reunited as a couple physically.

Nothing can ever compare to the feeling of hugging the one you love after weeks or months of being away. Make the most out of this reunion and avoid any distractions. Turn off those phones or laptops.

Your partner deserves 100% of your attention for bearing the distance all this time. Make your friends and families aware that this particular time is just for the two of you.

Don’t be Fooled by the 7 Phases of the Long Distance Relationship Timeline

With all these 7 stages of a long-distance relationship, it’s easy to lose hope sometimes. Here are some tips to help you keep the love alive across all those miles:

1. Let go and let love.
2. Be honest with each other’s feelings.
3. Set date nights like movie watching night or reading the same book together.
4. Send surprise gifts to each other.
5. Be creative in expressing yourself. Give “Open when you are…” letters.
6. Set short- and long-term goals with your partner.
7. Plan a vacation together to rekindle the passion.
8. Share your schedule via Google Calendar or shared apps.
9. Be the best version of yourself. Find a new hobby or skill.
10. Catch up with your family members and friends.
11. Turn off those phones when you are with your partner.
12. Let them know they are the first and the last thing on your mind. Send those cute messages.
13. Exchange a personal item with each other that you treasure. It’s like giving a piece of yourself to each other.

Wherever you may be, believe that love will bring you together. Time and distance are mere tests of a beautiful relationship that is founded on love and trust.