You are here because you’re currently in a long distance relationship, are doing your research before you start a long distance relationship, or want to know more about why long distance relationships don’t work. That’s a smart move, but this article may not please you.
The truth is that the vast majority of couples in long distance relationships are statistically doomed to fail and break up.
Of course, I don’t tell you this because it’s impossible to save your couple, but because I firmly believe that you can be the exception, and that you may belong to the minority amount of couples for whom a long distance relationship will work.
But first of all, it’s important to put this statement in context.
Is it True the Majority of Long Distance Relationships Don’t Work? Why Not?
82% of couples in long distance relationship put an end to their adventure after finally moving in together, according to a 2006 study by the Ohio State University.
In fact, another study from the same university goes even further, revealing that one third of those same couples break up within three months of moving in together.
That’s tough to deal with. But should we accept these results as they are?
Although these figures are significant, it’s important to qualify them:
- These studies concern only college students: College time is a period of change for each partner. After graduation, American students have the urgency to find a job to repay the huge debt they got to get to college. But what about all the other couples in LDR?
- The majority of these studies take place in the United States: American “dating culture” fundamentally differs from romantic and social relationships maintained by other nationalities. Can we really generalize these results to the rest of the Western world?
- These studies only consider breakups after the couples have moved in together: Moving from student life to active life, as well as from solo to couple life, creates more tensions and new challenges, whether there’s distance or not. What about the breakups before moving in together?
However, whether we like it or not, whether we give credit to these studies or not, the reality remains overwhelming: the majority of long distance relationships are meant to break up anyway.
This can happen after the final reunion (as described in this study), but also (and even more frequently) during the long distance relationship.
So we could still try to relativize these figures, saying that after all, classic relationships are not perfect either. Breakups are commonplace today, whether before or after settling down together, before or after marriage, before or after the birth of a child.
However, for long distance relationships, not everything should be considered the same way.
Many things are different. Typically, you have to relearn everything.
A common example is idealization, which wreaks havoc in LDRs, particularly during reunions and after moving in.
Geographical distance makes us exaggerate the good sides of our partner in an unrealistic way and completely forget about the potential and real bad sides. Once together, all the problems which had been put aside return to the surface and conflict is inevitable.
But can we blame idealization even for breakups happening before moving in? I don’t think so.
Why Long Distance Relationships Don’t Work (Most of the Time)
There are millions of possible reasons to explain a LDR’s failure:
- Lack of love
- Bitterness
- Detachment
- Mistrust
- Silence
- Jealousy
- Lies
- Temptation
- Deception
- Lack of listening
- Inexperience
- Shyness
- Idealization
- Loneliness
- Lack of vision
- Monotony
- Lack of privacy
- Sadness
- Lack of involvement
- Resignation
It’s vital to find a comprehensive response over the long term, although analyzing all of the above problem one by one would find only one remedy:
Long distance relationships don’t work because couples fail to create and maintain a healthy, complete and fulfilling love life.
What Kills Long-Distance Relationships?
Is the distance at fault…? Not at all.
It’s up to you and your partner to bring intimacy, fun, communication, complicity, exciting and inspiring reunions, a bright future, an assumed sexuality, and feelings to your relationship on a daily basis.
Either before or after moving in together, both traditional couples and LDR couples will always have a very high failure rate.
However, when long distance relationships don’t work, it’s important to consider the additional barriers these couples face, such as:
- idealization.
- relearning.
- uncertainties.
- lack of communication.
- loneliness.
- and more.
Fighting for your relationship is up to you. No matter what people and statistics say!
Your couple is never doomed to fail.
You can always be the exception to the rule, but today, it’s important to put all the chances on your side to be part of the couples who last and flourish.
You and your partner don’t have to be part of the statistics that say most long distance relationships don’t work. There are so many ways to change the inevitable outcome quoted by outdated and not-applicable statistics and studies.
Recommended Reading
For more information on how to make your long distance relationship work, get your must-read copy of my top tips and advice here.
How to Make Your Long Distance Relationship Work? (My Secret Tips)
I been in a long-distance relationship before and to tell u the truth it’s terrible like every night/day I be crying alone thinking about him like if he cheating, does he love me, when can I see him again, does he even know the real me. I hate long-distance relationship I’m not trying to be rude, mad, or worse at people that have them just remember it’s my opinion.
Why don’t you think to tell him?
That’s lack of trust there
bruh, you know how mentally torturous and painful it is for me in my LDR?
Everyday my girlfriend talks to her best friend, says some stuff to him that has me on alert, and then just last night she told me and her bestfriend “you’re the only ones I care about”.
everyday I can’t stop thinking that she is telling me goodnight yet she might be talking to him afterwards.
He always is doing weird things indirectly or directly to my girl.
which also has me on high alert is that she is very seductive, and she likes attracting simps. BRUH
I understand your situation is sticky but you need to upfront him. To be honest with you LDR is new to me because i am planning to have LDR with the guy whom i am interesting and been long distance dating for a year and 4 month had been pretty good. I know him as my childhood Friend but one things about LDR is hard for me cause I hate to be heart broke. NOT sure where to stand but i am in love with him at the same time i just wish he live same state as me which NOT! IF he continue to do this you need to straight up with your girl about how you feel. It the best if you being friend with someone who know you so well , it build confidence, trust, love and support as well.. I hope this helps. It is important to be honest, if a person do not open up to you which mean the person is not ready or not right person for you either way. For me I prefer God lead me to the right man and i pray he is the one for me.. Let wait and see! Please stay positive if things dont workout move on and there is a better person for you..look up in the sky think of Heavenly Father and eyes on Jesus is the best believe me! You can e mail me if you want..
I am now cringing from this
I’m in a long distance relationship and I think the biggest piece of advice I can give is to be upfront and honest. Do you want kids? Where do you want to live later? Any goals you have? Tell them ASAP and talk about it, there’s no point in continuing a LDR when your lives will not align afterwards. Also defo be realistic about your partner and tell them to be realistic about you. I was upfront with my partner that he can’t expect me to cook every night and stay home with the kids, and I will not iron his shirts and do all the housework. If that’s what he wants, then I’m not what he’s looking at.
I think the most important is not being afraid of being alone, then you know that you have chosen your partner because you love them and they add to your life, not because you need them and are afraid of being alone.
I am about to get into a long distance relationship and the thing is i’m confident that we are going to be able to get through this. However my bf is worried and even though he doesn’t tell me directly i know that he’s scared of how this relationship could end. I don’t entirely know what his scared about or if I would even use the word scared to express what he’s feeling but its just there. He’s grounded right now and doesn’t have his phone so we text through school email. I told him that if he does get his phone by next year that I will promise to call him every night every morning, when he goes in and out of practice, I will try to see him at his games, etc. And even if he doesn’t get his phone back I will still txt him on the school email everyday second of the day. I trust him and believe that this long distance relationship is nothing to us. How can I tell him not to worry and that everything will come out fine because my love for him isn’t like any other love. Long distance relationship is just a test that a lot of people tend to fail. It testes to see how strong we truly love each other. Will we either let it win or will we both come out happier than ever. I hope he knows that I will do the most because I finally know what it is like to love someone. People can say this and that about how long distance relationships don’t work the majority percent of the time but its either because one starts to lose trust or because one starts showing less affection. I won’t ever do that to him as I thought of the worst that can happen already. I am scared to lose him but I know that everythings going to be fine. Problems might come in the way but i wont let it get the best of me and i hope it doesnt get the best of him either.
This is 100% true. My delusional sister is in a long distance failure and it ticks me off. Literally years on the phone talking like preteens! She thinks she’s gonna move to Australia from the good ole USA… to do what?! He’s stringing her along! This is year 5 and they’re not married. Granted she’s not a US citizen yet because of unfair circumstances, but in our Islamic faith you can still do engagement over the net with the father around! There is no excuse! All day they send annoying texts and calls with no commitment! Giving commitment to a man not married to you is dangerous! And LDR failure relationships make it easy for guys to be deceptive!!!
I am in a long distance relationship recently had an baby I put all my trust and love to this relationship making him feel like an king and he begged me to keep our baby so I did I went in labor by myself he promise me a lot of things just for only myself to be let down his pattern start to change and I really feel like he been lying since day one we been together for almost two years I never cheated we would stay on the phone and I broke up with him because I don’t want to be let down again by his lies he will always will have a place in my heart but long distance is just not for me I feel like I care for him more than he care for me