Why 82% of Long Distance Relationships Don’t Work
You are here because you’re certainly in a long distance relationship
I’m sorry, but this article may not please you.
We must face the truth: the vast majority of couples in long distance relationships are statistically doomed to fail and break up.
Of course, I don’t tell you this because it’s impossible to save your couple, but because I firmly believe that you can be the exception and belong to the minority for whom it works.
But first of all, it’s important to put this statement in context.
Do the majority of long distance relationships fail? Is it true?
82% of couples in long distance relationship put an end to their adventure after finally moving in together, according to the Ohio State University.
In fact, another study from the same university goes even further, revealing that one third of those same couples break up within three months of moving in together.
Tough. But should we accept these results as they are?
Although these figures are significant, it’s important to qualify them:
- These studies concern only college students: College time is a period of change for each partner. After graduation, American students have the urgency to find a job to repay the huge debt they got to get to college. But what about all the other couples in LDR?
- These studies take only place in the United States: American “dating culture” fundamentally differs from romantic and social relationships maintained by other nationalities. Can we really generalize these results to the rest of the Western world?
- These studies only consider breakups after that the couples move in together: Moving from student life to active life, as well as from solo to couple life, creates more tensions and new challenges, whether there’s distance or not. What about the breakups before moving in together?
However, whether we like it or not, whether we give credit to these studies or not, the reality remains overwhelming: a majority of long distance relationships are meant to break up anyway.
This can happen after the final reunion (as described in this study), but also (and even more frequently) during the long distance relationship.
So we could still try to relativize these figures, saying that after all, classic relationships are not perfect either. Breakups are commonplace today, whether before or after settling down together, before or after marriage, before or after the birth of a child.
However, for long distance relationships, not everything should be considered the same way.
Many things are different. Typically, you have to relearn everything.
A common example is idealization, which wreaks havoc in LDRs, particularly during reunions and after moving in.
Geographical distance makes us exaggerate the good sides of our partner in an unrealistic way and completely forget about the potential and real bad sides. Once together, all the problems which had been put aside return to the surface and conflict is inevitable.
But can we blame idealization even for breakups happening before moving in? I don’t think so.
Why long distance relationships don’t work (most of the time)
There are millions of possible reasons to explain a LDR’s failure :
- Lack of love
- Lack of listening
- Lack of vision
- Lack of privacy
- Lack of involvement
It’s vital to find a comprehensive response over the long term, although one could analyze one by one each of these problems and find a remedy:
Long distance relationships fail because couples fail to create and maintain a healthy, complete and fulfilling love life.
Is it the distance fault? …Not at all.
It’s up to you and your partner to bring intimacy, fun, communication, complicity, exciting and inspiring reunions, a bright future, an assumed sexuality and feelings on a daily basis.
Either before or after moving together, traditional couples and LDR couples will always have a very high failure rate.
However, long distance relationships have additional barriers: idealization, relearning, uncertainties, lack of communication, loneliness, etc.
Fighting for your relationship is up to you. No matter what people and statistics say!
Your couple is never doomed to fail.
You can always be the exception to the rule, but today, it’s important to put all the chances on your side to be part of the couples who last and flourish.
That’s why I strongly recommend you to read now this article I wrote about “How to Make your Long Distance Relationship Work?“!